Cue the scene—you’re sitting among your loving family at a holiday celebration. The atmosphere is festive...filled with laughter, recounting old memories, and enjoying great food. Everything is going absolutely lovely…and then the questions start. So, have you found a special guy yet? What happened to that nice young man who came with you to the cookout this summer? It goes on…and on…and on. You begin to feel like you’re being questioned at a congressional hearing and you just don’t have the answers. Of course your family loves you-they want the best for you, but you’d think that they would realize how frustrating this can be. I admit, when I approach the holidays, still not in a relationship, the thought of what family members will have to say, the questions that they will ask, causes me a bit of anxiety.
We celebrated Thanksgiving at my mom’s house this year. To be honest, being single was not at the forefront of my thoughts. I enjoyed being among my beautiful nieces and nephews, the great food, watching holiday movies, and then it happened….my brother asked “Where’s Malcom X (his nickname for my ex-boyfriend, who’s Jewish, not Muslim, smh)?” I screamed on the inside but replied, very calmly “Who?” “Your boyfriend, Malcolm X”. I decided to make it very short and sweet. “I have no clue where he is and I don’t have a boyfriend”. I guess my facial expression made it clear that I didn’t want to discuss it any further, so the festivities continued on with no one else mentioning my relationship status. Why must we go through this? This led me to wonder if being single during the holidays is as big an issue for other ladies as it has been for me.
I wondered if being single is more of an issue during the holidays than during the rest of the year. Do family and friends tend to make it an even bigger deal? How should single ladies keep from feeling that there’s some void during the holiday season? I asked these questions of several fabulous single ladies. I hope that their responses are as enlightening to you as they have been for me.
On Being Single During the Holidays...
Keasha G.—being single doesn’t cause me more concern during the holidays, but it is highlighted most during this time of year. Sometimes my desire for a mate is more intense because I’m at the age where my friends are either married or have children so I feel left out sometimes.
Aretha W.—Yes, being single during the holidays does cause me to feel lonely, depressed, unattractive, rejected. The holidays are the number one time of year that a person likes to feel loved, comforted, and appreciated.
Lemonica M.—Being single probably causes me less concern during the holidays than the rest of the year. I see it as one less person to stress over when it comes to Christmas gifts, lol. I now take this time to enjoy myself and to get myself together-working towards meeting and exceeding the same standards that I look for in a mate.
Davida W.—Being single during the holidays SUCKS MAJOR! LOL…but seriously, it’s not fun, but I deal. It’s not more of an issue during the holidays because it’s like “welp, I’m single again this Christmas…best time of the year…blah blah blah…” To me it’s no different than any other “single” day. I’ve been single for six years, so I’m used to it.
Davida W. shares a hilarious story of how family members can make an issue of our singleness…
My mom and dad used to get on me a lot about being single. Here’s an example—my parents and I went out to dinner one Sunday. My dad asked where I see myself in 5 years. I gave the typical “working a good job, paying mortgage instead of rent” answer.
Dad: No husband or children?
Me: Dad, I’ve told you before, I’m not getting married
Dad: Why? You can’t say that because you don’t know
Me: Yes, I do know.
Mom: Well, I think you have to put yourself out there. I want you to bring somebody to the Christmas dinner and be happy.
Me: That’s the thing. I AM happy.
Dad: You got to give me some grands, so you have to get a husband.
Me: Trust me, I don’t need a husband for that *started singing* “That’s just my baby daddy!”
They both looked at me like I lost my mind.
Me: Well, alright! How was service this morning?
How Singles Can Avoid the Blues During the Holidays…
Aretha W.—Family and friends help me to cope and conquer loneliness during this season by doing things together and showing their love and affection for me.
Toni W.—My family tells me that when it’s time, it will happen. I have a great support system. I use this time to pursue what makes me happy.
Lemonica M.—Single people can avoid feeling down about their singleness during the holidays by enjoying, appreciating, and spending time with those who are currently in their lives. There are days that I get lonely, but I quickly find SOMETHING to do. Besides, being a mom doesn’t leave a whole lot of time to dwell on it.
Keasha G.—Single people have to learn to live in their singleness. If you want to take a trip…go. It’s also important to practice gratitude. It’s easy to pick out the one thing that you do not have, but that one thing is in the shadows of all of your other blessings.
Davida W.—I usually go and mingle with my girlfriends (I have a regular circle of 4). Now that they have significant others and/or children (yes, I’m the only one who has neither), I think a bottle of Moscato and strawberries, my blanket crocheted by my mom, and all day marathons of A Christmas Story should suffice.
I TRULY appreciate these ladies being so open and candid with their responses. Here’s what I gathered from it all:
For some singles, the holiday season can bring about just a little anxiety.
We can attempt to fill that void by appreciating the here and now—our families, friends, all of the blessings PRESENT in our lives.
We should live and appreciate life and not define its value by our relationship status.
Attention family and friends—we know that you mean well. However, we know that we’re single, so no need to remind us of it…take it easy on us.
Is being single during the holidays an issue for you? I look forward to hearing your feedback. Please be sure to thank Aretha, Keasha, Davida, Lemonica, and Toni for their awesome inspiration!
Happy Holidays All!
Antoinette C. is a blogger who delights in all things that foster unity and growth in women. After all, if the woman is happy and fulfilled, so is her family and community. Through Truly Charmed, Antoinette will introduce you to women who have inspired her, and who will, hopefully, do the same for you! Here's to your charmed life!