Charmed Life: Believe Them When They Say...

​Here’s one of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou: “When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time”.  I know that I’m not the only one who needs this reminder from time to time. A loved one tells us something that causes that gut instinct to kick in, but we don’t protect ourselves by acting on it. We don’t want to face the aftermath of a failed relationship or we can't fathom the idea of starting over. For the sake of our peace of mind and emotional well-being, we should listen to what we’re being told by our significant others and evaluate the situation to prevent entertaining a relationship that will only cause pain in the long run.  Here are a few ways that they may be telling you that they’re not that into you:

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1. They are not ready for a relationship. Yes, there are those of us who will continue to pursue a relationship with someone who tells us in no uncertain terms that all they have to offer is a “situationship”. If this is what you want, then cool.  If you’re hoping to flip a situationship into a healthy relationship, it’s not very likely to end well for you.  This is not to be confused with being friends before becoming involved in an intimate relationship…different situation. 
2. They respond in a defensive manner rather than with care when you voice your concerns about the relationship.  Someone who desires a relationship with you should have an interest in your happiness.
3. They don’t have time.  Here’s the thing: as adults, we are all busy, but we prioritize and make time for those things that are important to us. Some of us are better at time management than others, but if your loved one routinely leaves you out of their day-to-day life and they are making no effort to correct this, then this may be an indication that you’re not very high on their list of priorities.
4. They always criticize you. Do you really need someone in your life who has nothing good to say about you?
5. They say nothing. Are you the one who makes the telephone call or sends texts messages in hopes for a reply? If you’re always the one to initiate communication, you may be dealing with someone who has no interest in you. 

​I can recall an ex once telling me that he tends to be indifferent about things (meaning: emotionally unavailable).  I ignored the red flag and ended up being miserable because he showed very little care or concern about my feelings or the things that were going on in my life.  Why would I entertain such a situation?  Sometimes we become so comfortable with the familiar that we fight for it long after it’s dead.  We dread the idea of nursing a broken heart…the idea of starting over.  You know what?  That’s no way to live and you and I both deserve so much more. 
 
Here’s a challenge. Listen to what the other person is telling you. Don’t twist and turn their words to make yourself comfortable. Are they telling you all that you need to know to determine that the relationship is not for you? Are you ignoring your gut instinct?  Live your life in such a way that you only have a space for those who want to be there.  Entertain healthy relationships and those things that make you happy.   

What's a sign that someone may not be that into you? Finish this in comments: Believe 'em when they say...

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